It's been a very busy few years, but I think the last year has been the most eventful. The reason I'm back here is simple: I need a "safe" space to write about how I'm feeling, that isn't necessarily private. Keeping a diary would be an option, if it weren't for the fact that I don't want to. Blogging seems appealing somehow.
It probably stems from a desire to wallow in self-pity (because who doesn't want to wallow every now and then?), but I'll try not to be too miserable, so I don't bore the internets to tears. Aren't I kind?
In October 2015, my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and given three weeks to live. It sucked. In February we were preparing for his funeral. By August, it looked like he may actually live to a ripe old age. Last week, we took him to the oncologist to discover that the experimental drugs he was on have stopped working, and in the last few days, his condition has deteriorated to such a degree that he's once again bed-ridden and struggling to remain coherent for longer than a minute at a time.
Before anyone begins suggesting remedies and alternative treatments - thanks, but he's not interested. I tried at the beginning, but have since decided to respect the fact that it is his journey and all he needs from me is my support and love.
As for me? I'm coping. I'm angry, sad, happy, relieved, stressed, and a hundred varieties of emotional states at regular and irregular intervals. I just need to process, and writing a blog seems to be the best way for me to do so.
So hi! Again. Maybe this time I'll stick around for longer than a few weeks. :)
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